If only I could turn back time. There'd be so many things I'd do differently. Just off the top of the list, I wouldn't have played in Sec 3 and dropped to N(A) which resulted in a huge and irrivocable friendship strain. Then, I wouldnt let work overcome church and the cell group.

There're also things that are beyond my power that I'd also like to change.

I feel like I'm going nuts. Seriously nuts.


Chris just works and works. He comes home close to 1am every night. Sleeps at 2am, wakes up at 5am. His dad isnt giving any chances. Any tardies to camp and he's sent back home. I dont know what I would do then. It just drives me crazy. He refuses to come home early. Wants to make money.

He's a nutritionist. Always talks about health. No health means no wealth. And this afternoon over lunch he just told me that who cares about his health. He just wants to make money.

So what if he's a millionaire by 30 and gets to give me all the best things in life, and he has liver failure? (your liver rests between 11pm and 2am, so if you don't sleep during this time, it doesnt repair at all)

Its the work hard for 10 years, play for 50 years concept.

I'm going nuts with loneliness.

I want to be able to meet him for dinner. I want to be able to see him on weekends. To catch a movie at 7pm, not at 12am. He's going overboard. He's going to break down soon and that's when his heart will give in to pressure and stress. His heart is beginning to give problems. When it fails, no amount of health products can cure him then.


I have so many regrets. If only I didnt leave church and leave God. Things would be so different now. I wouldnt make myself so unhappy by tying myself to Chris.

Gah. I hate it when I get emotional because of him. I guess I just need distractions from him in order to live a better life.